Understanding Motherhood..

I recently read a blog that has been on my mind since I read it. It was called, "Are you lonely, Mama?" A lot of you probably know which one I am talking about. It really hit home because lately I have been struggling emotionally. I don't have a social life, except for the friends I run into while grocery shopping or the people that actually will talk to me at church, and of course the social life I get everyday around 5:30 when my husband gets home. I don't really have consistent "friends". I, like any other person, want an out away with friends. I want time to get away for a short time to catch my breath. Dusty is very great about letting me go out and do whatever I want on Saturday, and I take advantage and do something, but usually....I'm alone. Shopping sucks by yourself, pedicures suck by yourself, a drive for a coke sucks by yourself. I know it probably sounds like I am complaining but you mom's know what I mean. 

You know what's it like to constantly have the same conversation with your almost 2 year olds. "Why yes Paxtin that is the moon in your book for the 1,000th time today." "What do you want for lunch?" "Gooo ga mocha gleeba" is the response. "Yes ok I will whip that right up for you".  

It's exhausting at the end of the day when you run through your head what you accomplished that day and you realize..nothing. Ok, maybe you managed to get a shower in and the dishwasher loaded. But the rest of your day was about reading books, playing hide and seek, cleaning up dripping bottles, smashed crackers, kissing boo-boos, changing diapers, making lunches that don't get eaten, and trying to soothe 2 teething toddlers.

Motherhood is crazy!

Motherhood is exhausting!

Motherhood is challenging!

Motherhood is a blessing!

Motherhood is my dream!
 
Motherhood is my life!

Since reading that blog, I have changed my thinking. When I'm doing chores and Paxtin brings in his book to show me the moon for the 100th time in an hour, I go with him, I sit down and put him on my lap, and we go through every page in his book several times...of course we look at the moon page more often than the others. (In case you haven't figured it out Paxtin is obsessed with the moon and stars). After looking through his book, I have noticed taking that extra time to look at it over and over Paxtin says more words. He recognizes more pictures and says the colors or what's in the picture. The time I took to stop doing chores and look at his book again and again helped him to learn more, to speak more, and that alone has helped me realize what my job as a mother is.

It's not always about a clean house or having clean/folded laundry. It's not always about making sure you have a plan for dinner on the menu, it's about taking time with your kids to help them discover new things. It's a time to help their young minds learn and absorb everything it can while their little. It's a time I won't get back. It's a time to laugh, enjoy the "baby talk"...who needs an adult conversation anyway when your twins have so much to "say"?!

 

This week while Channing has had the stomach flu he needed mommy even more. He needed extra snuggles, extra mommy time and I gave him every ounce of time I had to care for him even if it meant holding him for hours while we watched Mickey Mouse and Bubble Guppies. My babies won't be babies forever, they aren't going to always want to sit on my lap to watch a show or to look at a book. They're not always going to want me around to play or to teach them their colors or to color pages with them.

I want this life. I want the life I have now! I want to continue to smile, laugh, play, and make memories each and everyday with my boys! I want them to stay little and always want mommy around. I know I can't make that happen, but what I can make happen is be involved now! So my complaining has now been turned to rejoicing. I feel eternally blessed to be a mother, especially to my amazing boys! I wouldn't have it any other way. I love them! They have given me what I have always wanted, they have given me...

Life!