A Million Dreams!

Our story continues at the end of this quick update about the kids....

Paxtin: Pax just turned 5 years old on July 1st! He is loving summer and is really enjoying swimming this year. He is also learning to read! He still has a major love for SpiderMan, playing restaurant, and absolutely loves play phones. 

Channing: Chan just turned 5 on July 1st! He would live outside in the water if I let him. He misses school and is excited for it to start again next month. He has an obsession with SuperMan and watching Color Cars on YouTube! 

Paisley: Paisley is 2 years old, and it shows! She is a busy body and got her first set of stitches a few weeks ago from a golf club. She is so tough, sassy, and it's her way or no way. She climbs everything and is fearless. She knows how to hold her own when dealing with her brothers.

You may be wondering why we titled this blog, "A Million Dreams". If you haven't heard the whole song from 'The Greatest Showman', you MUST!! I know we can all relate to this song one way or another, but for us this is how we relate to it. We know what it's like to lay in bed having a million dreams keeping us awake. Those million dreams were our dreams of being parents and having kids. Little did we know, our dreams were far out of reach, but also achievable. 

Most of you know our IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) story, but if you don't you can go back to 2012 and 2015 posts to learn about our fresh IVF cycle in 2012 and our frozen IVF cycle in 2015. It's definitely a good read, especially if you're wanting to learn more about the procedure(s). Dusty and I loved sharing our story with others and many have reached out to us in similar situations. 

In 2012, we were very blessed and fortunate to get 18 healthy embryos on our first IVF cycle. 2 of those embryos are now known as our twins, Paxtin & Channing. The remain 16 embryos were cryopreserved for future use. In 2015, we did a frozen transfer where they thawed a straw which contained 3 embryos. One of the embryos during that cycle didn't have enough mass and was unhealthy, and it eventually died. The other one is know as Miss Paisley Anne. The last one was frozen again. That leaves us with 14 frozen embryos being cryopreserved at Utah Fertility Center!

Dusty and I just know we have completed our family! We feel VERY grateful and blessed for the 3 beautiful and amazing children we have from the incredible advances with medicine these days! IVF changed our lives and helped our dreams come true. It's definitely a hard road to go down, but it's worth every needle poke, every medication, every procedure, every penny, and every tear ever cried.

However, there are some families out there not as fortunate. Families that struggle in a sense that they won't ever have children because maybe the woman can't produce eggs, or maybe the man has zero sperm count, or maybe some other situation where making an embryo is not even in the cards for them.

Dusty and I have spent the past couple years pondering on what to do, and the past several months fasting and praying. We have sought guidance from our Bishop trying to decide what the best option is for our 14 remaining embryos. Utah Fertility Center gives you 3 options-- 1.) You can discard them. 2.) You can donate them to science. 3.) You can donate them to anonymous couples/families. Having 14 embryos has made this decision very difficult and that's why it has taken us so long to decide.

Winston Churchill once said, "We make a living by what we get, but we make a LIFE by what we give!"

We don't want to take something so amazing that we have been blessed with and just throw it away. And donating to science was totally off the table for us, it wasn't even an option. So, with guidance from our Heavenly Father, we have decided to donate all 14 embryos to anonymous couples who need that little spirit in their homes!! We both have the strongest feeling that God gave us so many embryos because we are meant to donate them to help other couples achieve their dreams of having a family.

I get teary eyed typing this; not because I'm sad, but because I know the feeling of being told you can't have kids on your own. I know that feeling of those months and months of negative pregnancy tests. I know that feeling of failure and feeling broken. I also know the feeling of relief, of excitement, of gratitude, and that feeling that your heart and home will be so full of love, a love that was meant for a child(ren).

That brings us to TODAY!! Dusty, the kids, and I walked into Utah Fertility Center with an envelope full of paperwork and profiles. We walked into what was the easiest appointment we have ever had at Utah Fertility Center, but also the hardest. As we sat with the nurse, who had to witness our signatures, we signed over our 14 embryos and donated them. So many emotions have been flowing through our heads. On one hand, we know we did what we were meant to do. We are so happy we are able to help other couples who also face fertility struggles. On the other hand, it is a very bitter-sweet feeling knowing that there may be children out there with our DNA, with adorable and sweet personalities like our kids have. Even though we know our family is complete, it's hard to think we are giving away our precious embryos. It's a feeling that is hard to explain, but at the same time...it's peaceful. 

It's our hope and prayer that those couples who lay in bed every night with a million dreams keeping them awake, will now have the opportunity to make those dreams come true!!