Those 3 Words....

For the past few weeks I have been struggling with a certain 5 year old son of mine. He has always been my easy one, willing to help do anything,  listening when he's asked to do something, and always so loving to everyone. I've told tons of people he has a HUGE heart in that little body. Lately, he has turned into a terror. I don't like to refer to him as that, but I can't think of a better word at the moment. He has nasty meltdowns that include screaming at the top of his lungs, while crying hysterically, clawing his nails into my legs, and slamming the doors. Sometimes he leaves me speechless because of the words that come out of his mouth, I don't even know where he learned it from. Then there are those 3 words that break any mothers heart into a million little pieces, which is "I hate you!" 

Seeing and hearing his words and actions makes me question myself as a mom. Where have I gone wrong with raising him? Why does he yell he hates me and he wants a new mom? Am I really that bad of a mom? How do I even handle this situation? Afterall, I've only been a mom for about 6 years and this is a whole new stage of life that I wasn't prepared for. I'm still learning too! Does he need more attention? Is it a phase that he will overcome? I'm so lost and so confused as to what to do. 99% of the time he ends up in his room to finish his meltdown, while I go cry or calm down and breathe. What makes this even more challenging is I am struggling emotionally myself so we don't go hand and hand well during these situations. 

Who knew motherhood would/could be so challenging? Who knew each age comes with a new phase, ones we may love and want to hold on to forever, and ones that we make us want to crawl to the dark corner of our closet and cry while stuffing our face with Reese's Peanut Butter cups (yes, I have done this more than once.) It's a hard pill to swallow, and not feel like a complete failure as a mother.

I know he is still learning and each day is a new adventure in the eyes of a 5 year old. Sometimes mom can put that boulder on the road that'll stop your adventure for a short time because homework has to be done, dinner is on the table, or we need to go to the grocery story. I get there are frustrations when your art project has to be put on hold for a time, but there's always time later to finish and create your masterpiece that can be hung on the fridge for us all to enjoy. I say that to bring me to this....

Even after these moments when I wonder how I will ever get through this stage, I'm so frustrated from hearing my 5 year old yell at me to get out of the house cause I'm not wanted here. That art project that had to be put on hold, suddenly turns into that masterpiece. I hear a little voice come up and say "sorry mom", and little arms wrap around my leg, followed by my 3 favorite words that help fix that once shattered heart, "I love you!"

Sons are the anchors of a mother's life.

Sophocles

**Any tips for handling these situations are much appreciated, especially if you have experienced them before as a mother. Thanks in advance!